Always Look On the Bright Side of Life

The last two weeks of have brought two major developments, both which bring joy and pain, excitement and stress, and generally force me to more deeply contemplate the meaning of life.

The first is that my husband I decided to move. This was a sudden and unexpected decision (we had originally planned to move a couple years from now) we came to for a variety of reasons, including the lower interest rates for mortgages, an increase in our income, and the lowering of prices on desirable houses. The stressful part of this is that - holy crap, we're selling a house and buying a new one while both working and while I'm pregnant - argh! The sad part about this is that I love our current house. It is a beautiful place with real character, and will always have a special place in my heart as the first house I owned.

In case there are any readers out there interested in a well-kept and beautiful house in Germantown, Philadelphia, here's the listing.

I was very happy that they used a picture of the front of our house with my perennial, multi-colored mums in full bloom from last autumn. I will definitely plant mums again at my new house!

The other major development is that, being five months pregnant, I now feel like I have a tiny baby living in my gut. The first few flutters of movement were quite endearing to me, and I'll never forget the look on my husband's face when he got to feel his first kick. But after just two weeks, my beloved, little "notacat" is proving to be a night owl who treats my bladder and other internal organs like punching bags for hours, starting around 9pm. Ouch.

The best way to describe how the middle-area of my body feels is like a sore bubble. My lower back is just beginning to hurt and my sense of balance is deteriorating. I'm no longer able to really do my pilates routines, so I've switched to yoga, light weight training, and walking. In short, I'm adhering to the 13 rules of safe pregnancy - posted on the very useful website babycenter.com.

Yesterday I was a bit too ambitious and attempted to walk to a coffee house 2 miles away. About halfway back I started feeling aching and sharp pains in my abdomen which caused me to stop and sit on the curb ever few blocks. I'd love to ride my bike, but the balance problems make me too worried about getting into an accident.

Adding the moving and the constant uncomfortable changes in how I physically feel has definitely raised my normal levels of stress. I'm having mood swings and random bouts of fatigue.

While this is all pretty frustrating, it reminds me of one concrete truth: I am an animal. A very intelligent, emotional, social, and sentient animal, but an animal none-the-less. So much of my experiences which shape who I am are physical and based on aspects of what I am that I can't control. The subjective mind's eye attributes all kinds of wonderful meaning to my life and life in general, but it all starts with the objective physical reality of my existence.

I can't say I enjoy being pregnant. (I can say I'm pretty confident that I'll only do this once!) But I am grateful for this experience, not only because the end result will hopefully be a healthy baby of my own to raise, but because part of living life to the fullest is dealing with the stress and pain and limitations that come with the territory. The meaning of life isn't happiness, it is the experience of life itself.